Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
