"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
