she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
