It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
