Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
