There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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