last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
