Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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