is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
