Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
