hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Randomize
