so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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