he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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