She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
