They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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