Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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