Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
