someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
