You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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