Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Green mimosas i think yes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
