The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
