i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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