yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
