i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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