It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
