: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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