Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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