help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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