I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
