Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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