Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
