I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
