I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
