I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
