Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
