Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
