i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have already put on my inside pants.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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