is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
did i walk over a car last night?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
