My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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