dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
