the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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