I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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