Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
