I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
