im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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