omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
