Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
