I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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