I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
