my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
