So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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