NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
