I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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