So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
