? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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