I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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