Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's like heaven, but drunker
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
