Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
